My blog update on Nick

Hello everyone, man and woman that reads this blog sometime.

Today I am going to talk about my friend Nick, because I think it will be fab.

Okay so this is Nick. I drew a picture of him too. But Nick does not really look like an anencephalic circle. He just looks that way because I can't draw. I am very sorry Nick. You might wonder why Nick is not smiling, because circles drawn in MS Paint smile usually. If you want me to be very honest I don't know either.



Smile, Nick!



As you can see, Nick loves to smile! Like really, I shit you not.

Nick sometimes like to tell people that they smell. This is very weird because some of them don't smell at all! I'm really serious about this. I smelled them myself. Also I wash every day so I don't smell either. So sometimes I wonder if Nick is just smelling things.



Here is a picture of Nick telling people that they smell. Nick doesn't really say "LOL", by the way. I just thought it would look nice. Also I don't think he says "u" with a letter u. But you can never be sure with Nick.



Nick smells special. You can usually smell it from two meters away. The smell is hard to describe. It is like old laundry and sunshine and deodorant, except without the deodorant sometimes. It is a nice smell. I am not the only one who thinks this!!! in case anyone out there thinks I am a weirdo or like fun-smelling people because I am a fetishist. Amber also thinks that the smell is very nice. Amber looks like a kitten. Amber is adorable and I wish they made plushies of her so I could buy one and dress it up in my old grey socks. They are good grey socks in case you might think I am cheap.

Nick has a twin brother. His name is Timothy. They look similar but not like the same or anything. Timothy also smells special. It is nice.



Nick and Tim take turns smelling like laundry and sunshine.



Nick likes to be on the computer. I drew him sitting on top of the computer because that's being on the computer too. Ha ha ha. GET IT? What, you think that is not very funny? Well you suck dongs too, meanie.



A lot of people say that Nick looks like a bunny. This is true. Nick looks like a bunny only with not so much fur and no ears and no tail and he would look strange on the cover of Playboy. On the picture you might think you are seeing two Nicks or maybe Nick and Tim, and you might be suprised! Don't worry, you are not drunk or dying or anything. That's just Amber behind Nick giving him bunny ears. I am sorry for the inconvenience or if you think that Nick looks more like an alarm clock there.



Sometimes when I want to mess up Nick's hair it doesn't work because Nick wears gel and it gets hard. Do you know what else is hard? Yes you are correct. A calculus test is very hard too.



Here is Nick with Jeremy. They are BFF. No BFF does not mean Big French Faggots. It means Best Friends Forever...Frank. I don't know where Frank comes from but you can be very sure that Frank has a handlebar moustache and doesn't mow his lawn very often. As you can see Jeremy is the only one smiling in the picture because cool people usually smile like that. But if you look very carefully you can see that Nick is smiling inside.

Nick's other BFF is his left hand. Naughty Nick.

Nick is also a compulsive liar.



But Nick is still awesome and love.

Sometimes Google spits in my meal

I'll be looking for pictures on Google ImageSearch, and there will be a result that is so explosively irrelevant that it makes me question what kind of sick freak likes to label their fruitbowl photos with tags like "College School Sluts".

Here is a result for 'hot lesbian cop'.



It just looks like a County board meeting to me. Where is my hot lesbian cop? I don't see it!

Maybe I'm just not as perceptive as some. Maybe the lesbian cop is hidden somewhere in this picture, in the disturbingly shiny table. Maybe she is seeking refuge behind the pasty posterior of Master Jim and his receding hairline. The guy second to the left looks like his incognito disguise is slowly sinking into his big doughy face, while he can do nothing but resign to his fate of many chins and looking like a Jewish bagel.

The best thing about this image is probably the checkerboard tie. It looks so debonair, so out of place in this dismal scene of conservative shareholders and laser hair surgery candidates.

What about 'hunky men in hammer and sickle attire'? I wish to soothe my eyes with images of sexy virile males who like to indulge in the healthy sexual liberation that comes with donning communistic paraphernalia.



Thanks Google. Way to remind me that women sometimes like to carry their offspring on their back, slung inside what looks to be a gigantic tablecloth.

This is a result for 'quantum physics'.



I'm not sure as to the significance of this one. Perhaps quantum physics is somehow required to explain the need to hoist his sizable goods up in a socially apprehensive fashion. Maybe science isn't really the answer to everything and what we see here is just God holding his string-bikini together in a desperate bid to prevent his crotch from leaking out and beginning the reign of the Beast.

I used to want to be a marine biologist. That was until I realized it was a thankless profession, anchovy reek and nauseating seasickness aside. Looking at National Geographic, being too lazy to change the channel and subjecting myself to many a dolphin documentary, it occurred to me that there must be a lot more 'unhappy marine biologist's than the world lets on.



What part of "UNHAPPY" don't you understand, ImageSearch? Screw you. Now I have a headache.

'will ferrell with his eyes far apart'. I think he'd look a lot better that way.



It looks like Will won't need his eyes far apart any longer. Hawaiian Hillbilly and his man-eating guitar got to him first.

'treehouses that are painted red'



As you can tell, I'm very lazy with this 'blog update' thing. They just sort of trail off into nothingness as I feel it steadily less necessary to move my fingers in a meaningful fashion.