Monday

Dear Diary,

I am sad, so I bought you.

Tuesday

Dear Diary,

I don't feel like writing about why I am sad.

Wednesday

Dear Diary,

Today I saw an assortment of peculiarly-coloured airplanes.

Thursday

Dear Diary,

Today I wasted five minutes of my life videotaping a dog jumping over a fence.

Friday

Dear Diary,

I realized a large chunk of my soul is missing, thanks to the internet.

Saturday

Dear Diary,

Today I briefly entertained what life would be like if I manually amputated my left arm.

Sunday

Dear Diary,

My neck has seized up from my attempts to make sleeping seem like deep thinking.

Monday

Dear Diary,

Today I felt ashamed for laughing at Bob Sagget's name.

Tuesday

Dear Diary,

Today I experienced Writer's Block before I started writing.

Wednesday

Dear Diary,

Thanks to a laundry mishap, I am forced to wear odd socks.

Thursday

Dear Diary,

Today's attempt to tan the undersides of my arms ended in disaster.

Friday

Dear Diary,

Will I receive the same love if I were a burn victim?

Saturday

Dear Diary,

Today I felt a need to calculate the time I would save if I bypassed all my daily hygienic routines.

Sunday

Today I overestimated my ability to fly.