Sometimes Google spits in my meal

I'll be looking for pictures on Google ImageSearch, and there will be a result that is so explosively irrelevant that it makes me question what kind of sick freak likes to label their fruitbowl photos with tags like "College School Sluts".

Here is a result for 'hot lesbian cop'.



It just looks like a County board meeting to me. Where is my hot lesbian cop? I don't see it!

Maybe I'm just not as perceptive as some. Maybe the lesbian cop is hidden somewhere in this picture, in the disturbingly shiny table. Maybe she is seeking refuge behind the pasty posterior of Master Jim and his receding hairline. The guy second to the left looks like his incognito disguise is slowly sinking into his big doughy face, while he can do nothing but resign to his fate of many chins and looking like a Jewish bagel.

The best thing about this image is probably the checkerboard tie. It looks so debonair, so out of place in this dismal scene of conservative shareholders and laser hair surgery candidates.

What about 'hunky men in hammer and sickle attire'? I wish to soothe my eyes with images of sexy virile males who like to indulge in the healthy sexual liberation that comes with donning communistic paraphernalia.



Thanks Google. Way to remind me that women sometimes like to carry their offspring on their back, slung inside what looks to be a gigantic tablecloth.

This is a result for 'quantum physics'.



I'm not sure as to the significance of this one. Perhaps quantum physics is somehow required to explain the need to hoist his sizable goods up in a socially apprehensive fashion. Maybe science isn't really the answer to everything and what we see here is just God holding his string-bikini together in a desperate bid to prevent his crotch from leaking out and beginning the reign of the Beast.

I used to want to be a marine biologist. That was until I realized it was a thankless profession, anchovy reek and nauseating seasickness aside. Looking at National Geographic, being too lazy to change the channel and subjecting myself to many a dolphin documentary, it occurred to me that there must be a lot more 'unhappy marine biologist's than the world lets on.



What part of "UNHAPPY" don't you understand, ImageSearch? Screw you. Now I have a headache.

'will ferrell with his eyes far apart'. I think he'd look a lot better that way.



It looks like Will won't need his eyes far apart any longer. Hawaiian Hillbilly and his man-eating guitar got to him first.

'treehouses that are painted red'



As you can tell, I'm very lazy with this 'blog update' thing. They just sort of trail off into nothingness as I feel it steadily less necessary to move my fingers in a meaningful fashion.