That Lazali guy

As I am sitting typing this, my head is still reeling from an awesome and admittedly slightly traumatizing event that happened today. I was initially shocked and stunned by the memory, but as it came worming back to my consciousness like some sort of cat burglar, I felt I had to put it down in text for me to scoff and perhaps vomit at a few years down the line from now.

Aimee and I went to the mall after school today to pick up her cellphone which had gone in for repairs. We were in our brown school uniforms, creating that much desired special effect of looking beautifully generic. I digress.

This was all well and good, and even the operation was more complicated than I anticipated (they couldn't fix her phone so they gave her a new one - she was initially upset about it ["It's just not the saaaaaaaaame!"] but after discovering it had bluetooth on it things became of the 'up and up' variety), it got better after we had a couple of double-cream frozen yoghurts. Incidentally I also wanted to vomit but I was too ashamed to admit it.

The apparent normalcy ended shortly after we acquired the phone and started walking around. Below is what happened in script format because I am too lazy to narrate this post and failing to inject painless humour into it like some kind of awkward reverse-liposuction deal.

Me: I'm damn bored.
Aimee: Ja well...MY PHONE HAS BLUETOOTH ON IT!
Me: NO WAY!
Aimee: YEAH IT TOTALLY DOES!
Me: WHOA!
Aimee: Hey, Craig sent me airtime.
Me: Oh no!
Aimee: Look they do piercing at that shop there! Come with me to go have a look -
Me: Haha, oh shit, I thought you were joking about getting your nipple pierced.
Aimee: Meh, you need to be 18 and have an ID...
Me: Well, that's a pity. Hey look, it says you can get your shaft pierced here! Does that mean -
Aimee: Mary, shut up, you're embarrassing us!
Me: Oh come on! You don't just come across this kind of thing every day!
CREEPY STORE CLERK WHO MAY OR MAY NOT BE ON INTERPOL'S MOST WANTED LIST: Oh, no, no, that isn't penis piercing.
Aimee&Me: ?
CSCWMOMNBOIMWL: It's not on the penis, it's actually by one's ear, here *motions to ears in borderline comical manner*
Me: Oh, I see! Whoops, I thought it was, you know...
CSCWMOMNBOIMWL: Yeah, it's a common mistake
Me: *looks sad*
CSCWMOMNBOIMWL: *perks up* But I have a piercing on my penis!
Me: Is that so?
CSCWMOMNBOIMWL: Yes! As a matter of fact, I did it myself!
Me: Wow, wasn't it sore?
CSCWMOMNBOIMWL: Yes it was! I did it myself, in fact. I don't know what it's called, but there is one that goes THROUGH THE URETHRA, it's called a Prince Alber -
Me: What about didoes?
CSCWMOMNBOIMWL: Well, I've never actually heard about them...
Me: Really? They're quite common, it's those ones around the glans *motions with hands*
CSCWMOMNBOIMWL: Oh, I may have to check that one out. But with the Prince Albert, you have to sit down when you urinate, like a girl, because the urine seems to splash everywhere -
Aimee: ...
Me: ...
CSCWMOMNBOIMWL: Goodness, I think we're embarrassing your friend here.
Me: *turns to Aimee, who has suddenly become bright red*
Aimee: *laughs nervously* Well, I wouldn't get my penis pierced, but I was sort of checking out the nipple piercing; I want to get mine done...
CSCWMOMNBOIMWL: Oh, nipple piercing! You'll need and ID for that.
Aimee: Yeah...:(
CSCWMOMNBOIMWL: Or you could just bring a guardian or consenting parent; I'm sure it'll be fine. I actually have a piercing on my nipple too *touches nipple area*, but I've let it close now. I only pierced my nipple to get closer to God...
Me: I'm starting to realise the ramifications of standing here and listening to this crazy dude.
Aimee: Let's go?
Me: Yeah.

And that was the end of that.